Intentional dating relationship
If a partner is feeling insecure it’s easy for them to say, “well you believe in relationship anarchy, that means you’re just going to do whatever the hell you want regardless of how it affects me.” I don’t view it that way at all, and I dislike the term for that reason. Carolyn: Do any of your other partners or metamours practice different styles of poly? But at the end of the day all of our styles are so much more similar than different, it’s not something that has a big impact on our relationships. I love, love, love the concept of having a big intimate chosen family.
Until you experience the raised emotions of crossed personal swords with your new pursuit, you remain in the phony phase, the earliest stage of any relationship, where our posture is over-oriented toward impressing and pleasing the other.
Simply put, we won’t truly be ourselves until we’ve gone through conflict. The sooner you are able to progress out of the phony phase the better. Ironically, our tendency is to avoid conflict early on in a relationship, even though we understand that every marriage relation-ship is a continual exercise in conflict management.
Josie: My wife and I are still together, in a relationship that’s evolved into something that’s mostly platonic (though still really awesome).
I also have a serious girlfriend, we’ve been together nearly two years, and a third person who lives far away but we keep in touch and flirt and get together when we can.
She just left her job as a production manager for a local theatre for a hiatus, which she’s spending mostly with her two kids (ages seven and one).
Josie: I started exploring it about five years ago.
” Avoidance of any hint of disagreement in a relationship context can border on the absurd.Advising two marriage seekers to seek a sparring match almost sounds ridiculous, but that’s exactly what we are doing here.When there aren’t any models for how you want to move through the world, it’s harder to move through the world.At the moment my main group is a big string of people — to one side my wife and her boyfriend, to the other my girlfriend, her husband, and his long-term girlfriend.Most of us have some less serious relationships too, but those are the biggies.I probably romanticize it, but I feel a deep connection with someone when we are both in essence saying to each other, “hey, we’re defining exactly what we want this relationship to look like, and we’re both choosing every part of it of our own free will.” I think the biggest struggle is that anarchy is a scary word. Most of my polycule doesn’t identify with the anarchy term, and there can be hurt feelings stemming from the differences in how we view things. Josie: The family-style network is the main reason I was interested in polyamory to begin with.